It's been a year and my heart still aches.

Today makes a year that Kadesha has been gone. It's still unreal to me. Of course I didn't get to tell her goodbye or that I loved her. I'm sure she knew that I did, but for me, saying goodbye makes things more real. With the time difference between Japan and Virginia, by the time that I knew it had gotten that bad, it was too late. I tried calling the hospital to tell her goodbye but the nurse at the front desk said it was too late to transfer calls to the room. I guess she didn't understand me when I told her it could be my last chance to tell her how I feel. It still hurts me everyday to think that I'll never see her beautiful face or hear her contagious laugh. When I think about baby Zach I just bawl my eyes out. He was her whole world.

Kadesha was more of a sister to me than my real sister. I still remember when she hung out with the Swanson twins and drove the green mustang. I remember her always telling me we were going to go 'cruising' and calling me sis. Or the time that I thought having braces were so cool because she had them and her & maybe Bonnie(i can't remember at the time) were at mammaws and they made me braces out of paperclips. My memories of her make me smile even when I want to sit back and cry.

I love you Kadesha and miss you more and more everyday! RIP my angel.

Goodbyes are always the hardest.

In life, people always say that goodbyes are always the hardest. I should have known that becoming a military wife meant that I will have to say goodbye over and over again. With moving every 3 years, I will meet amazing people, people that will touch my heart forever. On April 23, 2009, I have to say goodbye to my best friend.

When I came to Okinawa I kept telling myself that I would never find anyone that I could be close to like Catherine & Missy. Come to find out, a girl that I didn't know was stalking me on myspace after seeing me on a mutual friends list. The thing is, I was stalking her too. After finally realizing that we were both stalking each other, we added each other on myspace to be friends. We had lots of conversations about the most random things on AIM. Then after one drunken night at a Halloween party thrown by Tabby, I met Kim and her husband Johnny.  

To make a long story short, we became the best of friends. We didn't think this day would come so soon. Johnny and Kim weren't supposed to PCS until the beginning of next year and Daniel and myself would follow shortly after. But they're leaving in less than 5 weeks and I'm still not too sure what I'm going to do with myself. 

To Kim, John & Itty Bitty Baby... I will miss you like none other.. We were destined to be best friends. I expect weekly phone calls and updates everyday on the baby! :) I can't wait till you have that little girl(yes i'm still praying it's a girl). You are going to be just as amazing parents as you are friends. I love you & miss you already and you haven't even left yet.

I hate military health care

Simply put. They suck. Yes, it's free but I would much rather pay and get stuff done right the first time..  Let me start my rant with what happened last year. Somehow I managed to get blisters in my throat, they said it was something viral going around. So here I am with a swollen throat, I cannot drink water or eat pudding without cringing trying to get it down. I would rather have strep throatx10 than to ever have what I had again. I go to the ER on Lester since it was a weekend and the clinic on Kadena was closed. They give me freaking Ibuprofen 800. That is a horse pill to me.. I can't even swallow regular tylenol without getting my mind right first. So worse comes to worst and I just had to suffer through it. Ibuprofen is the military's miracle drug and my moaning wasn't going to change anything. Fast forward to last week. I go to have my annual pap done at the clinic on Kadena. The Doc said everything looked good and I should hear something within two weeks if there was something wrong, or get my paperwork in the mail if everything was okay. So, tomorrow would've been two weeks. I get a call today saying they didn't get enough cells from my cervix to get any results back. For me, having a pap done once a year is horrible, let alone having to have it done twice in two weeks. Someone shoot me. Just another reason I can't wait to get back to the states where I can find a DR that I like.

There's my rant for the day. To bed I shall go. Good night to my Okinawan readers, Good morning to my American readers! :)

Where does the time go?

It seriously seems like we just got home from the states, yet it's already been 2 months. I cannot believe that this time next year we'll be preparing for our PCS back to the states(hopefully).  I seriously need about 4 more hours in each day. After work it seems like I have to come straight home, cook dinner, clean up and then go to bed. Where does all of my time go?

I'm finding it harder and harder to not get pregnant RIGHT now. It's so tempting. Everyone I know is pregnant or had a baby.  The timing is right for me and Daniel, we both want this.  Before it was me wanting it, Daniel not so much. Then it was Daniel wanting it, and me not so much. But now it's BOTH of us wanting it.  I tend to find reasons not to because I don't want to have my first child in Japan without my mom, the Godmother(Catherine), the Godfather(we haven't figured that one out yet) and all of our friends and family. It's so tempting. I guess I'll wait. I figured it out that if I get pregnant in June I will have the baby sometime around March then we'll be coming home shortly after. I could always go home early-not fair to Daniel but he could possibly deal with it.  I just really want an itty bitty baby now. :(

Lucy is still in heat unfortunately.  She is driving me crazy. She wont hold still long enough for me to get her diaper on her good. Sometimes I feel like strangling her. She is now rubbing her bottom on every wall she walks by. She also lays the front of her body down while perking her butt up in the air.  Mally was neutered but he still knows that she's in heat. Sometimes he lays in the floor, starts doing his begging trick and makes this god awful noise. It sounds somewhat like Chewbacca from Star Wars.  They're driving me crazy!

Now it's off to opening a new bank acct. here on island.